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England’s hopes melted by victorious Iceland!

By on June 28, 2016

Apparently, it wasn’t enough for England to just leave Europe in the political world.  The football team had to make it two shock departures in less than a week as clueless England were resigned to a disappointing exit from Euro 2016 in a 2-1 defeat to Iceland in Nice, arguably their most embarrassing exit from a major tournament ever.

The Three Lions yet again underachieved on the highest stage with just one victory, two draws and a loss against four sides in France.  Even for a young squad, they should have been able to beat the likes of Russia, Slovakia, and Iceland.  It was hardly a Nice way to go home from the South of France and national team manager Roy Hodgson promptly stepped down as coach in defeat.

Richard Lewis looks back on where it all went wrong for England:

Hart Failure for England

In hindsight, perhaps Hodgson should have taken more in-form players to France and players like Andros Townsend and Danny Drinkwater could potentially have had a more arousing effect than, say, Jack Wilshere and Raheem Sterling, who struggled to find their full fitness. If Hodgson had planned on playing a 4-3-3 formation, surely Townsend was needed in the squad for some pace on the wing?

Their Round of 16 meeting with Iceland began in a positive manner for the English as Sterling finally showed brief signs of promise, winning a penalty for the English after a foul by goalkeeper Hannes Thor Halldorsson. England captain Wayne Rooney consequently converted from twelve yards on his 115th international appearance, equalling an outfield appearance record with David Beckham.

However, the Three Lions couldn’t hold onto their lead for ninety seconds, much less ninety minutes.  Iceland scored with a trademark Rory Delap-esque long throw, which defensive hero Ragnar Sigurdsson bundled home past Joe Hart from close range.  England suffered further Hart Break when Kolbeinn Sigthorsson’s winning shot slid past Hart’s outstretched grasp.

It was England’s second Hart failure of the tournament, Gareth Bale’s free-kick for Wales being another Hart would feel he should have kept out. Hart clearly didn’t use his Head (and Shoulders) when trying in vain to get his weak hand down to Sigthorsson’s effort.

It was a shambles for the rest of the match as Roy Hodgson’s team never looked like overcoming a country with more volcanoes than professional footballers. 330,000 people erupted with unmeasurable joy as there is now a heavy Ash Cloud over England’s future! Lead by Swede Lars Lagerback and a part-time dentist, underdogs Iceland were as Cold as Ice, willing to sacrifice, unlike the England players! The Tooth hurts for England, but there was no need for the Dentist Chair this time.

Iceland will now face much-fancied hosts France in the Quarterfinals on Sunday, having already achieved more than they could believe.

A Resign of the Times for abject England!

After the EU Referendum result last week, British Prime Minster David Cameron’s position became untenable and he soon resigned from his leadership post. England manager Roy Hodgson replicated the outgoing PM after the final whistle for the national team by announcing his departure from the FA.  Hodgson was at the helm for four years after replacing Italian Fabio Capello, overseeing unsuccessful campaigns at Euro 2012, World Cup 2014 and now Euro 2016.

Numerous more high profile figures will undoubtedly follow in the wake of their leaders to the Job Centre queue this month, with most of Labour’s cabinet resigning and the backroom staff Ray Lewington and Gary Neville also departing their posts.

It seemed a little odd that sixty-eight-year-old Hodgson had a presumably pre-prepared resignation speech for his immediate press conference — at least Cameron waited a couple hours after Brexit to announce his resignation.

But with no joy for Roy, who will the FA turn to next?

Under-21s head coach Gareth Southgate is the favorite to make the grade up to the senior hot-seat, with Crystal Palace boss Alan Pardew and Bournemouth’s Eddie Howe other possible candidates.

The next England boss is likely to be a young, homegrown boss, although it’s a different kettle of fish doing it for the Under-21s in comparison to the pressure with the senior side — as England found out in France, in fact.

Southgate’s most famous moment in an England shirt was in a penalty shoot-out defeat twenty years ago, when he had his kick saved against Germany and ended up wearing a bag over his head in a pizza commercial (YouTube it). There is not much to take away from Euro 2016 if Pizza Hut’s very own Southgate becomes the new boss, apart from the five-minute cameo from 18-year-old Marcus Rashford.

Perhaps Roy Hodgson would still be in his job if he had been more Rash with his attack and got the Manchester United youngster on with half an hour to go. It was reported the FA held talks with Brendan Rodgers a few months ago, but he has just taken up the Celtic managerial role.

England Let It Go as players were having Olaf in Iceland performance!

To celebrate Iceland’s triumph and further dissect England’s early exit from the Euro, Richard Lewis created a parody song based on the famous theme chorus to ‘Frozen’:

Let it go, let it go
Hart can’t hold the ball anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away as England are so poor!

Iceland don’t care
What the back pages are going to say
Let the FA storm rage on,
The cold never bothered us when we play!

Let it go, let it go
Iceland are one with the throw-in and sky
Let it go, let it go
We’ll make the English cry!

Hodgson won’t stand
And he won’t stay
Let the FA storm rage on!

Let it go, let it go
And Iceland will rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That possession goal is gone!

Here Iceland stand
In the Northern lights of day
Let the Euros storm rage on,
Being bold never bothered underdogs anyway!

By Richard Lewis feat. Idina Menzel.

Italian revenge is sweet as Spanish are finally beaten!

England weren’t the only team in action on Monday as the Round of 16 came to a dramatic conclusion, with the Italian Job almost complete for manic manager Antonio Conte with a win over holders Spain. Italy gained sweet revenge for their final defeat of four years ago with a comfortable 2-0 victory to set up a tie against Germany in the Quarterfinals. Giorgio Chiellini and Graziano Pelle got the goals but Italy could have had more if not for Spanish keeper David de Gea.

While one Southampton striker was scoring for his country, another was having a reported medical with Liverpool, as Sadio Mane looks set to seal a £34 million move to Anfield.
Homepage photo credit: Ben Sutherland [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

About Richard Lewis

Richard Lewis can relate almost anything to football and quite often does! You may have seen Richard's previous ideas and work in the BBC Match of the Day Magazine, from 2011 to present. He is a Manchester United and England fan, but has gone to see Leyton Orient play with his O's season ticket in the 2013/14 campaign. Aside from football, Richard has written articles on Doctor Who and studies English Language and Linguistics at the University of Westminster. Aspiring sports journalist.