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Big Sham: FA axe Allardyce after one match!

By on September 27, 2016

You wait 61 years for your dream job to come along and then ruin it all within 67 days of employment – Sam Allardyce, what have you done?! Gone for reasons off the field must hurt more than departing as a consequence of poor results. The shortest-ever reign of any England manager, an unwanted record created by this latest football fiasco. The only positive Big Sam can take is that his exit did not involve offending the disabled, as we all know ex-boss Glenn Hoddle wasn’t glued to the Paralympics in Rio this summer.

When the FA chose Sam Allardyce to be the next England manager and as the successor to Roy Hodgson in July, they did not expect come September and one match played to be looking for a new man at the helm. Just two months after choosing Allardyce over former Hull boss Steve Bruce and three months to the exact day since the Three Lions were humbled by Iceland at Euro 2016, the FA have been forced to remove the man deemed with the task of restoring English hope.

Instead, the ex-Bolton and Sunderland manager has brought further embarrassment to the home of football, with Under-21 coach Gareth Southgate drafted in as caretaker for the next four fixtures. The ex-Middlesbrough boss will have little time to settle in, as Southgate will have to name a squad to face Malta in 10 days time this Sunday. Arsenal manager of 20 years Arsene Wenger, Alan Pardew, Eddie Howe and even Steven Bruce himself, have all been mentioned as a long term replacement to be the Three Lions boss, if Southgate fails to impress in his temporary spell.

Show Me The Money as Big Sam shows his Need for Greed!

Allardyce leaves with a 100% winning record, with his only match in charge a 1-0 away victory over Slovakia, thanks to a 95th Adam Lallana strike. Ironically, he never got to manage England at the stadium he shockingly called a waste of money, as his one game was away and not at Wembley – which the Daily Telegraph video revealed he disliked. The video also highlighted what Allardyce thought of ‘Woy Hodgson’ and where he would tell Gary Neville to go! But, what probably made his position untenable was his discussion about third-party ownership and illegal transfers.

He was willing to offer advice on getting around FA rules on transfers in exchange for £400,000, despite earning £3million a year as England manager. Why did he even need to consider £400K from a fake Far East firm, when the FA would pay him more for focusing on a real role improving the fortunes of the England men’s national team. Greed is the only explanation for such talk, with Allardyce using his position for financial and power gains, but the desire for more money costing him his ultimate dream. A nightmare ending for both Allardyce and the FA, which was not even caused by on the field shame this time – with there no need for Iceland, Germany or penalties, just the English shooting themselves in the foot again.

A Parody song of Abba’s “Money, Money, Money” chorus to describe the Big Brown Stuff both England and Big Sam Allardyce have found themselves in as a result of Hot Cross Bungs:

Money, Money, Money (It’s a Manager’s World)

‘Money, money, money
Must be sunny
In Sam Allardyce’s world
Money, money, money
Must be sunny
In Sam Allardyce’s world
All the illegal transfers I could do for you
If you bung me a lot of money
It’s a Manager’s world’

By Richard Lewis feat. ABBA

There’s a Bung in the Oven – A Potential New Career for Big Sam:

Now that Sam Allardyce’s England management career (and maybe even other football employment opportunities!) is seemingly over for good, it could be a good time to secure work with an organization who share the same greed as the 61-year-old former defender. Love Productions have pulled their popular program ‘The Great British Bake Off’ from the clutches of the BBC to agree a £75million three-year deal with rival broadcaster Channel 4. The two key presenters Mel and Sue and experienced judge Mary Berry have decided not to follow the money when the Bake Off leaves the BBC, but Paul Hollywood wants to continue rolling in the dough, so Sam Allardyce could replace Berry as Hollywood’s new greedy partner in crime. The contestants could chant ‘Who ate all the pies? – Big Sam did’ or ‘you only ever managed sides near the Soggy Bottom of the league’. Although, he would probably only last one episode before burning his fingers, like he survived the solidarity one game for the national side.

Homepage photo credit: Egghead06 [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons

About Richard Lewis

Richard Lewis can relate almost anything to football and quite often does! You may have seen Richard's previous ideas and work in the BBC Match of the Day Magazine, from 2011 to present. He is a Manchester United and England fan, but has gone to see Leyton Orient play with his O's season ticket in the 2013/14 campaign. Aside from football, Richard has written articles on Doctor Who and studies English Language and Linguistics at the University of Westminster. Aspiring sports journalist.