- Luke Shaw-shank Redemption!
- Road to Cardiff: Last and Curious 8
- Dirty Sanchez: Wenger set to lose another Weapon from his Arsenal?
- Ibriana Jones: Red Devils of the Lost Ark!
- Chelsea set to win Title at a Kante!
- Leicester face tough choices as losses compile
- The Year of the Roo-ster!
- Marvel at the latest Craven Cottage arrival: Fulham Sign Thanos!
- Wayne Rooney’s goalscoring record is a rare piece of Manchester United history. Take notice.
- MOTD: Ibrahimovic salvages United point against Liverpool
Glory Days for Andre Gray!
Burnley striker Andre Gray is enjoying his ‘Glory Days’ of football life this New Year, as his ‘Touch’ was on point in the Clarets 4-1 home victory over ‘dire’ Sunderland last week. The Lancashire outfit have one of the best home records in the division and further emphasized the impetus their fortress ground gives them this season with an empathic victory over their relegation rivals. Black Cats’ boss David Moyes may have described his side as ‘dire’ (not the Tottenham midfielder – different spelling, for starters!), but you can only beat what is put in front of you. Sunderland may have had a bad first half of the season, but it is not going to get any easier in 2017, with three key players away at the Africa Cup of Nations. There is one positive for Moyes, at least he has kept his job, unlike fellow bottom-three sides Swansea and Hull, who have brought in Paul Clement and Marco Sliva, respectively, as new bosses in desperate attempts to steer away from danger.
Gray made the weary Wearsides pay before they even jetted off to Gabon. He hasn’t quite reached the heights of a Jamie Vardy, but Gray was playing with Hinckley United when present Burnley boss Sean Dyche was sacked by Watford and the Olympic Stadium was still used to host athletics.
West Ham Shout Out to their Ex!
Ashley Barnes got the other goal in the impressive 4-1 victory, while current West Ham target Jermain Defoe (who else?) grabbed Sunderland’s consolation strike. Defoe then scored a double in a morale-boosting 2-2 draw with Liverpool two days later for Moyes’ struggling men, but the Hammers have tabled a £6million bid for the former England forward. The North-East side firmly rejected the approach for their leading scorer, but the East London outfit are sure to return with an approved bid for their 34-year-old former player. Slaven Bilic’s side were thrashed 5-0 at home by Manchester City in the third round of the FA Cup at the London Stadium and have also been linked with Brentford’s main man Scott Hogan and Celtic’s young talent Moussa Dembele.
Gray rediscovers his X Factor!
One of the last moments of 2016 provided former Brentford striker Gray with a chance to gain some redemption after his mixed twelve months, as his top-flight treble completes the turnaround after his four-match suspension. He was banned for four games earlier this campaign for homophobic tweets posted in 2012. But, like former X Factor winner James Arthur has also recently proven, you can always stage an epic comeback after committing such a controversial sin. Some people may not be happy to see the scar-faced striker back on a football pitch, but he did the crime and served the time, like Sam Allardyce with England, now back in football at struggling Crystal Palace.
However, he need not worry about being the bad boy of Turf Moor anymore, as – like Jedward returning to the Celebrity Big Brother house in January 2017 – the club have re-signed Joey Barton. The one-time capped England midfielder had his spell at Glasgow Rangers cut short in November, so Burnley have brought back the experienced player, despite a betting ban potentially lingering over his slick-backed haired head. Ironically, guess who Burnley were drawn against in the third round of the Emirates FA Cup – Sunderland, of course! So, former Newcastle hard man Barton could make his second debut for the club against the Mackems in the famous old trophy competition on Saturday. Both sides could make changes, after the busy festive league schedule, but all eyes are likely to be on forwards Jermain Defoe and Andre Gray, if there are to be as many goals as the televised Friday night fixture between West Ham and Man City.
Burnley hoping to (Little) Mix it up with the big boys!
Burnley are as hot as a firework at Turf Moor this campaign, with Gray the number one forward for Sean Dyche’s side, as proved by his sparkling hat-trick in the New Year’s Eve win. Scoring goals is in his ‘DNA’, as former non-league player Gray is reportedly going out with fellow 25-year-old Little Mix star Leigh-Anne Pinnock. The biggest girl band in the world (especially now that Camila Cabello has left Fifth Harmony!) scored a number one album with ‘Glory Days’ and now it seems group member Leigh-Anne has traded in a current non-league player (Jordan Kiffin for Ashford Town: split over six months ago) to the upgrade of a former non-league player (Andre Gray, formerly of Hinckley, now in the top division with Burnley).
In honour of Andre Gray and Leigh-Anne’s reported relationship, I have written a parody version of the girl band’s 2012 hit ‘DNA’. As I am sure Simon Cowell is an avid reader of Football Every Day, this piece can’t do any worse than Honey G in the charts. This version of the chorus may soon be heard in the Turf Moor terraces:
It’s in his DNA, D-D-D-DNA
It’s in Andre Gray
He scores goals in every way
Scores in every way
He does it on match day
And that’s what makes a game plan
Not hard to understand
Clarets never win away
I see it in his play
Burnley had to pay
It’s in his D-D-D-DNA
By Richard Lewis feat. Little Mix